Taking a Spin Around the Power and Control Wheel | The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Dating and relationship violence is a major problem for many teenagers .. Review the Power and Control wheel with the group, either reading the definition for. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans Relationships. Developed by. Roe & Jagodinsky. Adapted from the. Power & Control Wheel Developed by. Domestic Abuse. While the Power and Control Wheel uses female pronouns “she/her” we understand that domestic violence impacts anyone regardless of gender identity.
Try to listen without judgment. Try not to speak negatively about the abusive partner.
This may put the victim on the defense, because they have already been manipulated to believe that the abuse is their fault. Start the conversation with questions like "How are things going? Tell them you have noticed certain things that concern you. Tell them about specific times you have been worried about them. Point out that what's happening isn't "normal. Listen and believe them. Your student may be reluctant to share their experiences in fear of no one believing what they say.
Be careful not to minimize their situation due to age, inexperience or the length of their relationship. What you see or hear may make you frustrated and upset.
If this happens try to stay calm. Focus on your student, not their abuser. Listen, but acknowledge that you are not an expert. Encourage them to reach out and connect with resources in the community like the Family Justice Center which offers confidential help, information and guidance from trained advocates. Stress that you respect their decision and a resource is available for them that will do the same and they have the expertise to help young people in this situation.
On average, it takes domestic violence survivors seven times to leave the relationship for good.
Continue offering support in any way you can. Let them know that you will be there for them no matter what.
Domestic Violence | Life Crisis Center
Threatening to report the abusive behavior might shut your student down. Point them to resources that can be confidential. That can inflame the situation. You want to build their trust. Don't blame or judge. They did not cause this. It's not their fault. Be careful about this, because you can show judgement in your body language.
Taking a Spin Around the Power and Control Wheel
Don't make demands or offer advice. Offer suggestions or options and then respect their decision. Never start a sentence with "You should" or "You shouldn't. Any attempt to swoop in and make demands could backfire and make them shut down. Instead, you can help shift power back to them by trusting that they know their situation best, and letting them know you are there to provide help and support. Don't wait for them to come to you. Don't try to fix this by yourself.
There are people who are trained and see this every day, Find resources and people who can help not just the victim, but you too. Staying quiet could have dire consequences. It literally could save their life.
If you need support, have questions or need additional advice or guidance there are resources available like the Family Justice Center. Advocates are available to support you and your student at any point along the way.
Power and Control Wheel
Pass on the information below, but let them know you are always available to talk. No matter the behavior, if a relationship makes you feel nervous, unsure, upset, confused, or overwhelmed, those are signs that something isn't quite right.
If your gut tells you "something is a little bit off," do not ignore this-really think about it, and ask friends, family, teachers, and counselors for input on next steps. The Power and Control Wheel This powerful graphic helps to visualize the tactics an abusive partner may use to keep their victim in a relationship. No matter why it happens, abuse is not okay and it's never justified.
Abuse is a learned behavior. Sometimes people see it in their own families. Other times they learn it from friends or popular culture. However, abuse is a choice, and it's not one that anyone has to make. Many people who experience or witness abuse growing up decide not to use those negative and hurtful ways of behaving in their own relationships. While outside forces such as drug or alcohol addiction can sometimes escalate abuse, it's most important to recognize that these issues do not cause abuse.
What is a Protective Order? What is a Peace Order? There are some warning signs that can help you identify if your relationship is unhealthy or abusive, including the examples below.
Remember, the abuse is never your fault, and asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of.
- Power & Control Wheel
- Power and Control Wheel (Spanish)
- Power and Control Wheel
Teens and young adults experience the same types of abuse as adults, including: Any intentional use of physical force with the intent to cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or using a weapon. Verbal or Emotional Abuse: Non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, humiliation, intimidation, isolation or stalking.
Being repeatedly watched, followed, monitored or harassed. Stalking can occur online or in person, and may or may not include giving unwanted gifts. Exerting power and control over a partner through their finances, including taking or withholding money from a partner, or prohibiting a partner from earning, or spending their money.