So you think you can date? | Teen Life Christian Youth Articles, Daily Devotions
Talk I gave at Impact (youth ministry of Banstead Community Church) on the topic of dating. We asked the middle schoolers in our youth ministry what they wanted to know about love and dating. Here are their questions. The authors of this material believe in the following: • Teens must be enabled to understand the doctrines of the Bible. • Teens must be enabled.
That was the culture then, as it still is in some parts of the world. In fact, Jesus lays down a number of principles that can be applied to the issue of dating, and what I want us to see is that: It depends on how it is done, when it is done, and with whom it is done. So here are three things for Christian young people to remember about dating. It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. The Bible is clear that the reason for starting a special kind of friendship with someone is for the purpose of marriage.
It also says that when you are dating someone, you are to show purity and not take advantage of them. Can you see how this is different from what your friends, the TV, movies would say about dating? The message given by the world about dating is that: It will make you feel good.
But the Bible says that there is a right way to date and a wrong way to date. Dating can be a good thing if done in the right way. Jesus says that the right way is with the aim of marriage and with absolute purity. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. They are not to be done before the proper time. Joshua Harris has said that: It gets you from A to B quicker than walking. But driving through a playground full of small children is not a good thing.
A good thing at the wrong time is a wrong thing. Or say I said to Harrizon my son who is 4you can drive this car. Dating done right is a good thing at the wrong time is a wrong thing. So when is the right time to date? If the purpose of dating is marriage, the question you need to ask yourself is this: You are sowing seeds of future success or failure in your dating years.
Let us consider some of the dangers in dating. Dating can lead to broken hearts. A large part of dating is flirting. Flirting is acting like you love someone.
The object of flirting is to create a romantic attachment with the other person with no serious intent on your part.
So you think you can date?
The idea of a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex is very appealing to teens. Most young people realize that the relationship is temporary. There is no commitment involved. Both guy and girl realize that either one is free to break up the romance at any time for any reason.
This may sound harmless, but as two people become romantically involved, they begin to bond emotionally. Even though there are no commitments, two single people begin increasingly thinking of themselves as a couple. They are seen together and viewed as a couple by their friends.
They are bonding and becoming emotionally glued together.
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In breaking up, these two hearts which have become glued together are ripped apart. They are emotionally wounded and end up with scars that can last a lifetime. One or both experience a loss of self-esteem and the sense of being rejected. Having your heart broken is no fun; in fact, it can be devastating.
Some young people try to deal with it by toughening their emotions. The sense of being rejected by someone they loved is devastating. Often they are frantically trying to find someone who shows an interest in them. Dating often leads to physical intimacy. Our sex-crazy culture makes it appear that sex is everything in a romantic relationship.
A physical relationship is often mistaken for love, and the couple rushes into marriage. Getting involved sexually almost always destroys a relationship. A marriage or a romantic relationship based on sex will not last. Breaking up a romantic relationship is always painful, but if the couple has been involved sexually, the breaking up is ten times worse. You have each given yourself in the most intimate way to the other person.
You have given away a part of yourself and you can never get it back. Dating can produce animosities. Over a period of time, jealousies and animosities can develop between guys and girls and their former partners and their new attachments.
Dating can bring a lot of "baggage" into a marriage. You may think you can play around and be promiscuous when you are single and leave it behind when you get married. That is wrong thinking. Dating can create an artificial relationship. Each person is trying very hard to impress the other person. A couple can go together for years without really knowing each other. They get married and sooner or later discover the real person they married.
At the right time God stirs up their interest in the opposite sex. The big question then becomes: How will I find the one God has in mind for me? While there can be some benefits from dating, it is based on the wrong motive—getting instead of giving.
It has the wrong goal—go as far as you can. And it can produce wrong results—broken hearts and damaged emotions. Each time, as the pain caused from the last relationship fades into the background, the guy and girl develop a new romance with a different partner.
The whole scenario of getting deeply involved romantically, breaking up, and doing the same thing over and over again becomes a dress rehearsal for divorce. Is there a better way?
Courtship is a relationship in which both guy and girl have the same long-term purpose in view. The requirement for courtship involves a commitment on the part of both guy and girl to certain guidelines: A "one man, one woman" commitment.
A restraint of affections. Lust is a getting proposition and it demands immediate satisfaction. Real love will wait for the right time and right circumstances. It is not unusual for two committed Christians to agree to refrain from all physical contact beyond holding hands until marriage.What does the Bible say about Dating? - Christians Dating - Christian Youtuber
Some of the happiest married couples can testify to the fact that their first kiss was at the marriage altar! Respect for parents on both sides. In a God-ordained courtship, there should be the approval of the parents on both sides. If one or both sets of parents disapprove of the relationship, that is a danger signal which should not be ignored. A successful marriage involves serious preparation on the part of both the guy and girl.
Financial freedom is a necessity in a happy marriage. The couple should seriously consider a budget.
You may be madly in love with each other, but if you do not have a good education and financial freedom, you may not be ready for courtship. Ideally, both husband and wife should be committed Christians who love the Lord Jesus with all their hearts. There will be serious problems if one partner is a fully-committed Christian and the other is complacent about the things of God.
Under no circumstances should a born-again Christian marry an unbeliever. The Rewards of Courtship Courtship brings a new freedom in relationships with the opposite sex. You are focused on one person and not wondering about every guy or girl you meet. It avoids envy and jealousy.
Courtship promotes self-control and moral purity. It promotes responsibility—you are seriously planning and preparing for life. What does God say? God delights in the happiness of His children. Every command of God is an expression of His love and His desire that we enjoy the best He has in mind for us.
Let us see what God says about sexual matters.
Dating—the Benefits and Dangers—Lesson 7 in Understanding True Love series
Fornication Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman who are not married is called fornication. God hates this sin because it destroys the beautiful plan that God has in mind for you. For you are bought with a price: In business, defrauding is cheating—leading someone to expect certain benefits which you know are false.
When a guy professes to love a girl and talks about their getting married some day in order to entice her to have sex with him, that is defrauding.
This means God will punish those who commit this sin. A good rule for guys and girls is this: Do not give or take that which may some day rightfully belong to another person. Homosexual sins God forbids all sexual intercourse between two members of the same sex. God does not hate homosexuals; He loves them!